


out in the woods

by skyrockets



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Coming Out, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Panic Attacks, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyrockets/pseuds/skyrockets
Summary: Will has been anxious about the woods for years. Mike offers to help but this just opens a new box of secrets that Will's been trying to repress for as long as he can remember.





	out in the woods

**Author's Note:**

> finally posting something after weeks of writing about these two. the first half is focused on will's internal conflict regarding his feelings for mike as well as his anxiety about a previously safe space - the next half will be much more romantic in nature. just for warnings, there's implied mileven in here but it's left vague on purpose.
> 
> the characters are aged up and act a bit more like typical teenagers - more swearing, underage drinking, the occasional dirty joke. and of course there's some period typical homophobia but it's mostly will's self hating thoughts - the 'f' word is used as a slur especially when he's thinking about lonnie.
> 
> please let me know if there's anything else i forgot to warn about. it's late so i might have missed something.
> 
> much thanks to all my friends and followers on tumblr who supported me and emily and clari for looking this over!
> 
> also please listen to hozier's [ 'in the woods somewhere'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMk-Nb_viR8) and coldplay's [ 'swallowed in the sea'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxpOki7dfeE) the soundtracks to this fic

When Will was younger, he used to run out into the woods behind his house whenever his father flew into his rages over his drawings, his clothes, or some other thing that Will messed up over. He’d cry and curl away from Lonnie’s spitting anger - _“Fucking fairy spending all his time with these stupid drawings!”_ until his mom came to the rescue, yelling at the top of her lungs. With her to distract Lonnie, Will would quickly escape out of the house.

Back then, he had understood on some fundamental level that the woods were a dark and scary place and children should not be running towards them. But at that time, the tall trees and the silence gave him comfort that was hard to find in his chaotic home. It was so loud; his father’s rage and his mother’s desperation, along with his muffled cries. In the woods, it was quiet. In the woods, he was safe. He’d stay there, tears drying on his cheeks, listening to the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves until Jonathan came to find him.

Even in the end, when Lonnie had stormed off and left for good, Jonathan and Will had gone into the woods to build Castle Byers. “This is gonna be _your_ place, bud,” Jonathan told him when it was all finished, the rain coming down on them hard, soaking through their clothes to their bones. “Your safe place.” Will looked up at the grey clouds, the skyline of the trees. This was already a safe place.

Everything changes when the Demogorgon takes him. Nothing is safe anymore. His safe haven turns into a killer maze - every tree he tries to climb, every bush he burrows into, the monster finds him over and over. The silence is no longer comforting but just full of grim anticipation, every quiet noise setting Will off to another hiding space. Every second heavy with the fear that he would be taken.

He survived the Demogorgon, but he did not survive the woods.

Now, Will passes by Mirkwood with dread in his throat and crippling anxiety in his heart. Years later, and he still can only go out to Castle Byers in the daytime for only a few hours at a time. When he closes his eyes, the bark of the trees turn grotesque and start oozing, the sky filled with toxic grey matter. When he closes his eyes, he remembers what it felt like to be trapped.

The woods turn into a nightmare and like always, Will runs away.

Will doesn’t ever really bring up his issues with the woods. He already unloads so many problems on his friends and family, he doesn’t think there’s any harm in keeping it to himself. And for a while, it works out pretty well for him - his friends understandably get why he doesn’t want to bike by Mirkwood or stay out too late in the dark. Will doesn’t have to think about vines erupting from the ground or branches growing to trap him and tug him back into the Upside Down. He spends his days in the sunlight, gathering warmth to soak up his forever chilled bones so that he can forget the darkness and the cold of the twisted woods.

It all works out until one day after school in junior year. Dustin gathers all of them in the AV Club and opens his backpack to reveal a case of beer. “You carried that all day?” Lucas asks incredulously. Dustin beams at him.

“Yup! My babies got me through the day,” Dustin flexes in a cheesy motion and the rest of the party groans.

“You’re an idiot Henderson,” Max snorts. “You’re lucky you didn’t get caught.”

El is squinting at the can. “Dad drinks this,” she says quietly.

“Yeah? The Chief’s got good taste.” Dustin claps once. “Alright ladies and gents, it’s Friday night, we’re young and beautiful, so I do declare we get shit-faced and live it up tonight!”

“Where?” Mike asks, ever the voice of reason. “My mom’s having that huge dinner tonight remember? There’s no way we can drink at my place.”

Dustin’s face immediately falls. “Noooooo,” he cries dramatically while Max and El laugh at him. “It’s mom’s bingo night so mine doesn’t work either. What do we do now? Our plans are ruined!” His eyes go to Lucas who shakes his head.

“No way man, my parents are always home!”

Dustin whimpers and then turns to Will.

Will offers him an apologetic smile. “Pretty sure Hop and mom are having date night.”

There’s quiet for a moment before El speaks next: “Woods,” she says in that soft purposeful way of hers. “Can’t drink at Dad’s cabin… but outside the cabin?”

“Oooh, Hopper I like how your mind works!” Max swings an affectionate arm around El’s shoulder and El’s cheeks turn the slightest bit pink, obviously pleased. “An adventure in the woods, I’m up for it.”

There’s a chorus of agreement from everyone and Will stares down at his shoes. The woods. In the dark. With alcohol. Sounds like a normal teenage night but just the thought of it makes Will’s stomach twist with anxiety.

“ - ill? Will?” He looks up quickly and realizes that the rest of the party’s eyes are on him, concerned and cautious. “You up for it buddy?” Mike asks him carefully, but Will can detect the underlying tone of hope. He knows that if he says he’s too anxious, the woods make him feel sick, they would accept it without any complaint and come up with some new plan. Will knows this - he has the best friends in the world after all.

And that’s the exact reason why instead of telling them the truth, he lies. “Yeah man,” he shrugs a little, feigning nonchalance. “I’m up for it.”

It’s a poor lie but it sets Dustin off, whooping and cheering loudly “Will the Wise! Will the Wise!” until everyone’s joined in. Will lets himself laugh along, hoping that it’ll cover up the gross feeling in his gut.

They all pack into Max’s car, El calling shotgun leaving the guys to squish themselves in the back. Will makes a face since there’s barely any room for him. “Here Byers,” Mike pats his thigh invitingly and Will groans out loud, hoping his face is not red.

So they drive to Hopper’s captain, Will seated awkwardly on Mike’s lap with his legs sprawled across Lucas’s. Max lets El control the radio which is why the entirety of the Dirty Dancing soundtrack plays for the twenty minutes they’re in the car.

“Make it stoooop!” Dustin cries dramatically. El turns around and looks him dead in the eye.

“Nobody puts baby in the corner,” she replies and Max cackles from the driver’s seat. Lucas lets out a loud sigh as Dustin continues to complain loudly in his ear. Will and Mike exchange amused looks. A very typical night for the six of them.

Max is a good driver, if a little reckless, and as soon as she gets off the main road towards the woods, the ride becomes a lot more bumpy. Will is propelled off of Mike with a yelp when Max drives over something particularly big.

“Whoa!” Mike’s hands go to his hips and bring him back down on his lap securely. Will had been half afraid he was going to spill into the passenger seat and cause an accident or something but now his heart’s beating for an entirely different reason. “You okay, Will?” Mike’s voice is right in his ear, warm and deep, sending a full-bodied shiver throughout Will.

“Y-yeah,” he chokes out. Suddenly the woods don’t seem very daunting. He’s gonna die in the next five minutes from overexposure to Mike Wheeler anyways.

“Sorry, William!” Max looks back at him apologetically. “I can’t see shit.”

“Your girlfriend is gonna kill us,” Dustin stage whispers to a nervous looking Lucas. Max revs the engine in response and all four of them let out identical squeaks.

Miraculously, they arrive at Hopper’s cabin in one piece, Dustin and Lucas scrambling out, crying in relief as their legs hit the ground. Mike squeezes Will’s hips once - for assurance? for comfort? Will’s mind is going a thousand miles an hour - before gently urging him out of the car.

“You guys ready to get wasted?” Dustin cheers, holding up the beer triumphantly.

Lucas looks at him, unimpressed. “It’s one case of beer - none of us are getting drunk.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong stalker,” Max replies, still affectionately using her childhood nickname for him. She pops open the trunk and presents a large bottle of Jack Daniels with a flourish. “Ta-da!”

“Oh no,” Will mumbles under his breath as Lucas and Dustin whoop loudly. Mike shoots him a quick, worried look but Will just smiles back in response. _It’ll be fine,_ he tells himself. He can do this. It’s still early evening, the sunset casting a warm orange look on his surroundings. Orange is a soft, happy color. Will likes the way the light catches Max’s hair as she downs a beer, how it softens El’s usually sharp features. How it brightens Dustin’s and Lucas’s already wide smiles.

He tries not to look at the way it shines on Mike’s face, hiding his freckles, making him look ethereal. This feeling is something he definitely doesn’t want to deal with. He fumbles with the beer Dustin throws over at him and eyes it warily. Beer… would provide a good distraction.

Will chances another look at Mike. His heart skips a beat at the wide, stunning smile on his best friend’s face.

 _To hell with it,_ he thinks before gulping down the bitter contents.

Will finishes one can of beer and takes a swig from the Jack Daniels at Dustin’s urging. It burns down his throat but his friends clap for him wildly as he goes. El is still nursing one can of beer while Max and Dustin seem to be competing over who can finish more first. Lucas and Mike, the two heavyweights in the group, are drinking slowly, keeping their eyes on everyone else.

 _It’ll be fine,_ Will thinks again as the pleasant, warm feeling of being buzzed washes over him. The sun has set, and it’s much darker than before, but the pleasant warmth of his buzz keeps the bad thoughts at bay. He’s just out here with his friends, drinking and laughing and _living._ Normal teenage stuff. He’ll be fine. No monsters, no anxiety. Just a fun night out.

And it really is, for the first few hours. El brings out a small boombox from Hopper’s cabin along with some snacks and they huddle together, biting into cold Eggos and laughing at some of Dustin’s more ridiculous stories. The moon is high in the sky now, and the only light is from the front porch of Hopper’s cabin, faint and distant.

“Should we play truth or dare?” Max slurs making Lucas roll his eyes and pass her a water bottle.

“Easy, Mad Max. You drove us here, remember?”

“I did!” she says cheerfully, throwing her arms around Lucas’s neck and kissing him smack on the lips. Dustin lets out a groan and El laughs a little from her place by Mike’s side. Mike’s arms are around her waist, his head resting against hers, and Will does his best to keep his eyes away from them. Mike and El had been together forever which gave him plenty of time to get used to their public displays of affection but it still stung every time. The older they got, the more they kept their relationship hidden, not even holding hands at school, so it was mostly bearable.

But those _looks_ Mike gave her, the looks that made all the air rush out of Will’s lungs because god what he wouldn’t give for Mike Wheeler to look at him like that, just once in his life. Will thinks he could die happy.

But that will never happen. Their tender gesture of intimacy is just another stark reminder of all the things Will couldn’t have.

He grimaces at his thoughts. He hates when his mind betrays him and goes down in this direction - he loves El, practically his surrogate sister while their parents continued their painfully slow courtship. She was strong and kind and deserved every good thing in her life. Including Mike.

He quickly downs the beer in his hand, eyes stinging a little at the bitter taste in his mouth. This line of thinking needs to stop. He needs to put his energy into other things. Like… drinking more. “You go, Byers!” Dustin yells from beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders when Will finishes his beer with a quiet groan. Unbidden, his eyes flicker up to meet Mike’s who’s looking half amused half concerned. His eyebrows raise, mouthing a ‘you good?’ at Will who simply nods in response.

The next song that comes blaring out is Bowie’s _‘Let’s Dance’_ and Max shrieks with excitement as she drags Will up with her. “Come on Byers! Let’s dance!” and Will laughs, letting her spin him until he’s dizzy, belting out the lyrics with Dustin.

He lets his body go loose, his mind slipping into a drunken haze. Clearly he’s more intoxicated than usual, because he rarely ever sings in front of his friends, his music a private personal thing that he shares only with Jonathan. “My love for you would break my heart in two,” he sings dramatically. He thinks he sees Mike staring at him intensely out of the corner of his eye but it must be his imagination.

Things start to go downhill when El decides to drink from the Jack Daniels bottle, already halfway empty from the rest of them sipping from it. She makes a disgusted face as she swallows and Will notices that it doesn’t go away, even ten minutes later.

“El are you - “ he starts to ask but she’s already standing up and rushing away from the group, the sound of retching hitting his ears. Oh dear.

“Oh no,” Max’s face immediately fixes itself into something serious and she grabs a water bottle. Mike makes to follow her but she shakes her head. “I’ve got her - be right back.”

“Poor El,” Dustin mumbles. “I guess that means party’s ended.”

“Yeah,” Lucas agrees as he stands up, brushing the twigs from his pants. “I gotta take a piss.”

At that, Dustin scrambles to his feet. “I call the bathroom!” he shouts as he dashes towards Hopper’s cabin. Lucas stares at him in disbelief before sprinting after him with a loud: “Asshole I called dibs first!”

That just leaves Mike and Will by the car, Will lying against the hood, relishing in the cold breeze brushing his heated cheeks and Mike across from him. For a moment, it’s peaceful and Will closes his eyes, his head swimming pleasantly.

Then, the music stops and an eerie quiet settles over them.

Will’s body suddenly tenses. Without the music or the sounds of his friends laughter, suddenly he’s a hundred times more aware of the sound of the wind, the leaves creaking quietly. His heart clenches with anxiety.

 _It’s fine, it’s fine._ He looks up to the sky, trying to count the stars to distract himself. This is a mistake because the dark outline of the trees hover in front of him menacingly and Will gasps in fear.

“Will?” Mike’s shifted from his place on the floor. “Are you okay?”

But Will can’t hear Mike, can only hear the frantic thud of his heart, his eyes wide and focused on the trees closing in on him.

It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all.

 _It’s coming for me,_ Will thinks in a panic. _It’scomingit’scomingit’scoming -_

He hears a twig snap and his instincts kick in as he does the only thing he can do - run.

Mike shouts after him but Will continues to run, trying to escape some unseeable enemy. His breath comes out in harsh bursts, his head is spinning, his stomach is flipping, he feels like he’s having an out of body experience. Like a bird without wings, panicking and flailing at the unknown intense pain.

At one point, his legs give out and he collapses against the nearest tree, on his knees and panting. The alcohol swishes unpleasantly in his stomach and for a second he thinks he’s going to throw up.

_I’m going to puke and die. Puke and die, alone in the forest._

Tears drip down his face and he grips at the bark of the tree so hard, splinters of wood get stuck in his fingers. Rationally he knows he needs to move and get to somewhere safe but he feels frozen. Legs locked, body shaking, waiting for whatever is hiding in the darkness to come get him.

Imagine his surprise when what comes crashing through the woods is not a shadow monster or a demo-dog but his winded, panting best friend. “Will!” Mike shouts when he sees him. “Oh my god, Will are you okay?”

The tears are blurry his vision and it’s too dark to make out Mike’s features so for a second Will thinks he’s hallucinating. “Mike?” he whimpers. There’s a warm hand on his back and another gently lifting his chin. Will closes his eyes. Mike is real. Mike is here.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Mike whispers. “Why did you r - oh, fuck Will you’re bleeding!”

 _I am?_ Will means to say but his throat is too choked up to process words. Mike fusses over him a little bit more, checking his face and his hands, and Will lets him, eager for any bit of Mike’s affection.

Mike is so close, Will can faintly make out the worry on his brow as he brushes his fingers against Will’s bloodied ones. He looks like he wants to say something else but then he just sighs.“Let’s go, everyone’s waiting,” Mike finally says. Mike shot up in height since they entered high school and kept growing since, nearly a head taller than Will. So it’s easy for him to pull Will up to a standing position, steadying him with a hand on his waist. “You okay?” he asks again and Will nods but when he takes a step forward, his legs are too shaky to hold his weight and he falls against Mike.

“Oh jeez,” Mike mutters when Will’s shoulders start shaking in the beginning of another onslaught of hysterical tears. It would’ve been better if he _did_ just puke and die. “Oh jeez. Come on Byers, I’m getting you out of here.”

Which is how Will finds himself getting carried out of the woods on Mike’s back, too drunk and terrified to protest. He keeps his eyes closed, his nose buried in Mike’s hair, focusing on the smell of his shampoo and aftershave instead of the darkness. Mike squeezes the back of his legs affectionately and for the first time in a long time, Will feels safe in the woods.

 

* * *

 

Will wakes up the next in his own bed with a pounding headache. He’s still wearing his clothes from last night except for his jacket and his shoes. He groans as he sits up, clutching his head. “What the hell happened…?” he mutters to himself, half tempted to pull the covers over his head and go back to sleep.

“That’s what I wanna know,” comes a voice from the ground and Will lets out a little shriek. Mike is staring at him from his place on the ground, Will’s spare blanket and what looks like Jonathan’s pillow around him. He’s wearing a squinty, sleepy expression, pillow lines etched onto his cheek and Will hates the way his heart skips a beat.

“...Mike?” he asks incredulously, not entirely sure he’s really awake right now. There have been plenty of dreams he’s had with Mike in the room but nothing like this. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

Mike frowns. “You don’t remember? I carried you to the car and you fell asleep… your place was closer so I just decided to stay over.”

The memories start flooding in and immediately Will wants to crawl into a hole. He remembers. He remembers getting drunk and laughing and then his _breakdown_ that Mike somehow saw. _Mike saw._

And to make it even worse, Mike carried him! Because he couldn’t walk himself like he was some fucking two year old who wet himself. “Oh my god,” Will whines out, burying his face in his hands. His cheeks are burning from embarrassment - not just from knowing Mike saw him freaking out in the words but imagining being cradled in Mike’s arms in the car ride home....it was really time for him to leave Indiana. “Mike, I am so sorry.”

He continues to mumble muffled apologies until he hears the bed creak with an added weight and Mike’s pulling his hands away from his hands, forcing him to look up. Mike’s face is soft with concern. “Hey, don’t apologize. It’s no big deal.”

“It is.” To his horror, he can feel the sting of tears in the back of his eyes and he sniffs loudly to swallow them down. “What about El?”

“Max took her home.” Mike’s brow furrows. “I know what you’re trying to do, Will Byers. Don’t you dare change the subject. What the hell happened last night?”

Will drops his gaze from Mike’s face and begins to fidget with his hands. He doesn’t know where to begin. It’s embarrassing, this weakness of his. He tells Mike this and Mike scowls.

“You’re not weak! You’re… the strongest person I know.” Mike’s voice goes quiet. “But even Superman needs allies, Will.”

Will snorts. “I’m the furthest thing from Superman.” His shoulders relax a little and Mike takes this as an invitation to slide closer. His jean clad thigh presses against Will’s and Will forces himself to look at his face. There’s nothing but acceptance and worry on Mike’s face and Will hates making him worry but maybe… telling someone wouldn’t be the end of the world.

He takes a deep breath and slowly starts to explain his issue with the woods. Mike is quiet while he’s talking even though his fingers are tapping anxiously against Will’s thigh. It’s distracting but somehow Will manages to get through his story.

Unfortunately by the end of it Mike looks absolutely aghast. “You’ve felt like this? The whole time? Will, it’s been three years!”

Will shrugs a little bit. “I… don’t know it felt stupid,” he mumbles. “It’s just hard because when I was… _there_ , I was mostly hiding in the woods and Castle Byers. So it just has so many bad memories...” He never calls the Upside Down by its name if he can help it. He prefers to treat it like a distant dream, hoping that way it won’t affect him as much. Too bad it didn’t work out like that.

Mike looks even more upset if possible. “God, you should’ve said something. We should’ve never went last night. I’m so - “

“Don’t say sorry!” Will cuts in hotly. “We’re sixteen! We should be able to get drunk in the woods like everyone else does! I refuse to ruin anything else we have!”

“Will...you don’t ruin anything,” Mike replies, shellshocked. Will just shrugs again, wanting to hide under his blanket. He can’t handle it when Mike looks at him like that.

“I do,” he asserts quietly. “Anyways,” he continues, cutting off any further protests from Mike. “I thought I could handle the woods. I’m always there during the day because I’m at Castle Byers...though it’s not for long.” He lets out a sigh.. “It just sucks. The woods were my safe place before everything, you know? That’s why it was easy to hide there. Now I just feel like it’s the perfect place for the shadow monster to get me again.”

“Yeah. That does suck,” Mike says sympathetically. Will sighs again and Mike puts his hand on his back and rubs him consolingly. Will closes his eyes and lets himself soak in the comfort his best friend offers. Mike’s touch was second best to his family’s, after all.

Just when Will thinks he could doze off under Mike’s fingers, Mike’s talking again. “Hey… I have an idea.”

Will blinks his eyes open to Mike’s thoughtful expression. “...What?” he responds a little warily. Mike laughs out loud at his apprehension.

“No, seriously, hear me out,” Mike’s voice has taken on that excited tone it gets whenever he has an idea. “So you said that it was your safe place before, and the Upside Down messed it all up? Well, if you spend more time in the woods making happy memories, don’t you think it’ll get better? Like positive reinforcement.”

Will considers this. “But I told you… I’m in Castle Byers all the time but I leave after like an hour because I can’t handle it.”

Mike seems to have a solution for this too. “Then I’ll go with you! You don’t like being alone right?”

He blushes at Mike’s declaration, feeling awfully self-conscious that his friend deduced that. “I...don’t know,” he says hesitantly. The idea is simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. Being alone in the woods with Mike Wheeler. On one hand, it’s the woods, nightmare-fuel for weeks. And on the other hand, it’s _Mike._ “It might not work.”

“But it might!” Mike cuts in cheerfully. He really is like a dog with a bone once he has an idea - he needs to test it out, prove his theory. “There’s no harm in trying Will. I’ll be there with you.”

 _That’s what I’m afraid of,_ Will thinks to himself, closing his eyes. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s still recovering from his hangover or merely the fact that he’s never been able to refuse Mike Wheeler anything but when he opens his eyes to Mike’s eager face, he sighs. “Well, I guess there’s no harm.”

Mike beams like the sun and pulls Will in for a hug. Will thinks he’s going to be sick.

 

* * *

 

Mike insists that they start as soon as possible which is why Will finds himself in Castle Byers on Sunday afternoon, one of his sketchbooks in hand, and a bag of sandwiches in another. He’s feeling nervous which is _stupid_ because it’s not like this is a date or anything. This is just him and Mike hanging out, Mike trying to help him get over his trauma yet again because Mike is just that good of a best friend.

Better than Will deserves.

Mike hasn’t shown up yet so Will spends a few minutes sketching, thinking of the last postcard Jonathan sent him from New York. He misses Jonathan something fierce. It was always his brother that he was able to tell all his woes and fears without fear of being rejected. Jonathan didn’t always know what to do to fix what was wrong but he always knew how to make Will feel better, which meant the world to Will. He sketches tall buildings and a busy street, a lone figure standing with an umbrella.

“Whoa,” Mike’s warm breath fawns over the shell of Will’s ear, making goosebumps prick at the nape of his neck. “That looks really good, Will.”

Will cranes his neck to look back at Mike with a sheepish expression. “How long have you been there?”

“Not long!” Mike holds up a couple of comics. “I got the new Captain America before coming here - Dustin’s gonna throw a fit that we read it before him.”

Will laughs. “Okay, let me finish this and we can read it.” Mike makes an agreeable noise before he crawls into Castle Byers, sliding close next to Will. The space was already small enough when Will was younger but with two sixteen year old boys crammed in it, Mike’s long legs taking up way more space than Will’s, it feels hot and heavy.

Will stares down at his sketch - suddenly a rainy day in New York isn’t coming to mind anymore. Mike doesn’t seem to notice Will’s internal dilemma and opens up another comic. “You want to listen to music?” he asks and Will nods jerkily, leaning over to press play on his small radio.

The Romantics fill the tiny space and immediately Will wants to shut it off and die in peace but Mike is smiling and nodding his head along so he puts up with it. He doesn’t get very far with his drawing - shading in a few cars, debating about what color scheme to go with when he eventually paints it in, and Mike seems to notice because suddenly his friend’s chin is on his shoulder and he’s even closer than before. “New York?” Mike asks.

“...Yeah,” Will croaks out. He clears his throat a little and continues. “Jonathan sent me a postcard and I was thinking about him…”

Mike hums. “Nancy sends postcards from Columbia sometimes.”

Will latches onto the lifeline, desperate to talk about anything to drown the way his blood is rushing in his ears. “It’s nice that they’re in the same state,” he says. “Jonathan sends me polaroids of them sometimes.”

“Really?! Nancy doesn’t send me anything like that…” Mike pouts and Will laughs at his face.

“Do you miss her?” Will asks. Mike scoffs, turning up his nose at the idea of missing his older sister. “Well, I miss Jonathan. So much. There are times I want to call him every day but I can’t bother him…” He thinks about his big brother and his photos and how when Will last visited him, Jonathan had looked so happy and at peace with what he was doing, it made Will so proud but also so, so sad.

Jonathan was thriving. Better off without him.

Some of his emotion must show on his face because Mike puts a comforting arm around his shoulder. “Hey… don’t be sad. It’ll be Thanksgiving soon, and Jonathan will come home with Nancy.” Mike squeezes him. “And you know, if you ever need to talk, I’m always here.” Mike’s voice is cautious, but hopeful. “I know I can’t replace Jonathan but….”

He trails off and Will bites his lip. He looks down at the lonely figure he’s drawn and counts the beats of his heart in his head. “I know, Mike. Thank you.”

“And if you really miss him, we can buy tickets to New York!” Mike sounds excited now. “I know where dad keeps his credit cards!”

Will bursts into laughter, the somber mood from earlier completely gone. “Okay we are definitely not doing that. Ted would kill you.”

“Not if we’re in New York,” Mike replies cheekily. Will just rolls his eyes at him.

Mike pulls away and takes out the Captain America comic. “Can we please read this now?” he begs. “It took me everything not to read it on the way here.”

Will bursts into laughter at the look on his friend’s face. “Sure, Mike. Sure.”

It’s a tight fit but they somehow manage to both lie down on their stomachs while Mike turns the pages of the comic. He swears and reacts loudly while Will gasps quietly at the contents. “No,” Mike wails loudly when they finish. “That can’t be the end!”

Will pats Mike’s back sympathetically. “Next issue will be out next week.”

Mike groans. “No, the author is having a mini hiatus! I can’t believe this!”

Will laughs again at Mike’s dramatics. Mike looks at him out of the corner of his eye with a frown. “Don’t laugh at me Byers. I’m in agony.”

Will pats Mike again. “I’m so sorry for your pain, Wheeler.”

Mike stares at him seriously before raising his hands. “Wheeler? There’s no Wheeler here… the tickle monster is in town.”

Will inches away from Mike’s hands. “Okay, this might work on Holly but I’m not six - Mike don’t you dare!” he squeaks when Mike immediately digs his fingers into his sides. Will shakes with laughter while Mike grins broadly, running his fingers up and down Will’s sides until Will accidentally knees him in the stomach.

“Fatality,” Mike gasps out in pain as he falls on his side. Will half laughs half gasps.

“Oh god, Mike I’m so sorry - “ Will sort of climbs over Mike’s waist, looks at his face with concern. “Are you okay?”

Mike looks at him through his bangs with shining eyes and Will’s breath catches. They’ve always been tactile with their easy affection - hugs, shoulder touches, the occasional hand squeeze that got Will’s heart beating. But this seems different and maybe it’s because Will is touch starved, for Mike Wheeler in particular, but being pressed close to him like this makes all sorts of feelings swirl inside Will. Feelings he’s too scared to focus on.

Will watches Mike’s mouth move, but his head is buzzing too loud to process the words. “What?” he asks numbly. Mike frowns.

“Are you okay? Are you...freaking out?” he asks carefully, clearly not sure how to label Will’s panic attacks. Will rolls off of him and lies on his back, staring up at Castle Byers’ roof. “Will?”

“I’m okay,” Will says honestly. “There’s a little anxiety but… I’m okay.”

And it is the truth - he hasn’t thought about the Upside Down or any shadow monsters coming to get him and it’s been hours. This is progress. Even though he’s not sure if the anxiety he feels is from reasons outside of the Upside Down.

Mike makes a pleased sound and stretches down next to Will. He finds Will’s hand and interlaces their fingers, raising their hands up. “Mission success!” he says cheerfully.

Will stares at the joined hands and wonders why it is that he feels like he’s drowning. “Yeah,” he replies hollowly. “Success.”

 

* * *

 

The thing is, Will has always thought there must be some truth in his dad’s words growing up. His dad was a drunk, an asshole, but he was never an idiot. So when he crumpled his drawings and insulted his clothes, called him a fag, Will kept the words close to his chest. He didn’t know what fag meant at that time, only that it was bad, and he must be bad. After all, he was the reason daddy was yelling at mommy and that their family fractured permanently.

Jonathan had been so angry the first time he brought it up. “That’s a terrible word, Will,” he spat out. “Don’t listen to him, okay? He’s just a piece of shit.”

“But what is it,” Will had asked in a small voice and Jonathan had clumsily explained about how some boys only liked boys but people were assholes about it. Will had thought about it for a moment - about how all his friends gushed over how beautiful Leia was and how it never mattered much to him what outfit she was wearing. Will liked Luke better anyways.

 _What if it’s true,_ he wanted to ask but he was too afraid to do so. Instead he just let Jonathan wrap him up in his arms and play a mix-tape until he fell asleep.

Now, sitting in The Hawk with all his friends, watching Ferris Bueller, Will is positive that his dad has been right about him from the very beginning. Knows it in the way his blood burns at seeing Matthew Broderick’s handsome smirk on screen instead of Mia Sara’s pretty face.

The knowledge has been slowly eating him alive for the past two years but looking up at the screen, he’s wondering why it is that it’s such a big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal. So what if he’d rather kiss Matthew Broderick than Mia Sara? Broderick is handsome.

Then he remembers Lonnie’s poisonous words, like knives to his chest, and sinks a little in his seat.

Mike’s sitting next to him and he reaches for the popcorn the same time Will does. Their fingers brush and Will jerks back a little, looking at over at Mike with a nervous expression. Mike mouths a ‘sorry’ and grabs some popcorn. Will turns back to the screen, quietly counting his heartbeats.

“That was so good!” Dustin crows when they all exit. “I love Sloane - break up with Ferris and date me!”

“Like anyone would leave Broderick for you,” Max scoffs, arms linked with Lucas. El and Mike are holding hands beside them so Will goes over to Dustin and pats his shoulder reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, Dustin. Nobody can resist your pearls.” Dustin laughs and pulls Will into an affectionate headlock.

“I take it back - Byers date me instead!” Will freezes in Dustin’s hold and Dustin immediately lets go. “Will? Did I hurt you?” Dustin looks worried and Will sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m okay I just,” Will jerks his shoulder. “I just gotta go home.You guys go to the diner without me okay?”

Mike steps forward. “I’ll take you.” They’d driven here in Max and Mike’s cars. Will frowns a little at the thought of Max dropping everyone off just because of him.

“It’s fine I’ll walk - “ he starts but Mike’s already pulling him away from the group towards his car. Will wants to scream. _Stop being nice to me!_ he wants to cry. _Stop giving me the wrong idea!_

Except it’s not the wrong idea at all - Mike is just a good best friend. The best one. He’s acting normal, Will’s the one who's making it all complicated. He stays quiet as he slips into the passenger seat, Mike immediately turning on the radio to one of his tapes. Will doesn’t have a car, Jonathan’s old one breaking down before he could make proper use of it, so he’s usually in Mike’s which means he has a ton of his mixtapes. He presses his cheek against the window and quietly hums along to The Bangles.

Mike breaks the silence first. “Hey… are you okay? I thought The Hawk was okay for you now.” Will bites his lip. How is he supposed to say, _don’t worry Mike this isn’t my issue with another dimension haunting my ass, it’s just Matthew Broderick haunting my ass._ Will knows that he hasn’t openly talked about girls with the party - there was that week they teased him about Jennifer Hayes when they were paired up for an art project, but he and Jenny were just friends. Maybe people suspect it already; why else would Troy and James sneer ‘fairy’ at him every time he walked past their lockers?

But Will actually confirming it? That’s another story entirely. He makes a noncommittal hum, hoping that Mike will just drop it.

Mike doesn’t say anything for the rest of the ride but Will is surprised when he keeps driving, missing the turn that goes to Will’s house. “Mike…?” he asks quietly when Mike pulls over on the road and stops the car.

He fidgets with his hands, ‘A Hazy Shade of Winter’ filling the car. Soon fall with fade and it’ll be winter again and Will will have to wear three layers to keep the cold away. He shivers just at the thought but Mike interprets it differently. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel anxious. I just… want you to talk to me. I want to help.”

Will sighs heavily. There’s no way Mike is just going to let this go. So Will settles on telling a half-truth, and hopes that it’ll be enough. “Mike, it’s not the woods. Or the shadows. I’m okay, don’t worry.” He squeezes his fists a little, drawing courage for what he’s going to say next. “I… get anxious about a lot of things. Doesn’t mean it’s life threatening. Okay?”

Mike grabs at his words like a dog to a bone. “Yeah? Like what?” His face falls when Will falls silent. “Will… you can talk to me about anything you know that? Not just weird interdimensional stuff.”

Will huffs. “Yeah, Mike. I know.”

Maybe Mike can tell that Will isn’t telling the truth, at least not completely, because he’s unbuckles his belt and leans over to the passenger seat, completely in Will’s space. Will blinks, throat dry. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Mike’s smile is a sad thing and he cups Will’s cheek, delicately, like Will is made of porcelain and Will swears the whole world stops. Mike’s so close he can count every unique freckle on his nose, spreading to his cheeks. Mike’s thumb brushes gently under his eyes and Will fights the urge to close them. If he closes them, he’ll miss… whatever _this_ is. The tape has stopped so that there’s nothing but the sound of their soft breathing and Will’s heart thundering in his ears.

He wonders if their hearts are beating in tandem.

This is surely what drowning feels like, Will thinks faintly. Losing all the air in your lungs, feeling an indescribable tightness in your chest. If being close to Mike like this was akin to drowning, then Will can say that he was satisfied with the way his life has gone so far.

Then the headlights from a car behind them shine onto them and the moment is over. Mike immediately pulls away and Will takes a deep breath. There is no reason for two boys, no matter how good of friends they were, the kind that would die for each other, to be that close to each other. Especially not in Hawkins.

Will repeats this to himself as Mike drives him home until the words have been etched into his being, their words ringing true with a heart-breaking certainty.

 

* * *

 

The last encounter with Mike leaves Will so shaken that he decides to go into the woods on his own next time. He doesn’t trust himself with Mike. He leaves his supercom at home, to erase the temptation of calling anyone and heads out in the late afternoon. He’s feeling weird lately, avoiding Mike with excuses that he has to help with painting backdrops for drama club. Jenny Hayes and Samantha Pond let him stay as long as they want with puzzled, bemused looks but Will doesn’t care. He knows the party is worried about his absence at the lunch table, after school, he even skipped Dungeons and Dragons night - something he hasn’t done in years.

Will doesn’t care. He’s not ready to face Mike. Not ready to face what he feels. What those feelings will mean for them.

Will doesn’t go all the way to Castle Byers but settles on a log and takes out his sketchbook. It’s just him and his walkman but it’s hard to find something to listen to, nearly every song on this tape reminding him of Mike. Disgusted with himself, he pulls off his headphones and starts to sketch. He goes through a few warm-ups - the couple he saw in Melvdad’s the other day, his mom’s tired, sleeping form. Jenny Hayes in her princess outfit for the upcoming play.

Then, without realizing it, his fingers have started sketching Mike’s face. Will lets out a cry of frustration, throwing his sketchbook onto the ground in a fit of anguished anger. Immediately he covers his face with his hands and starts taking deep breaths, trying to get in control of his emotions.

 _This is why you were taken,_ a voice hisses in his head. _Queer, fairy, Will Byers, doesn’t belong here._ Will starts to shake. It’s not true, he wants to say aloud but it feels like a weak defense.

Because it is true, isn’t it?

Tear drops land on the sketch of Mike’s face. His favorite face. The one he wants to see in the morning when he wakes, at night before he goes to bed. The one with the smile that can erase all the bad thoughts of the day.

Queer, fairy Will Byers who likes boys.

How can it be false if it’s the punishment Will deserves?

His vision starts to go spotty, his body shaking uncontrollably. He knows, rationally, that this is the beginning of a panic attack, a bad one but all the methods his therapist taught him fly out of the window. He curls into himself and just shakes, waiting for the shadows to take him.

This is how Mike finds him, hours later, knees pulled up to his chest, rocking back and forth, mumbling unintelligibly. He doesn’t even realize it’s Mike at first, flinching violently when a hand touches his shoulder. “Please don’t, please,” he cries. He doesn’t want to go back into the Upside Down, he wants to stay here.

But there are soft, warm hands on his face and a desperate murmur of “Will, it’s me,” that has Will opening his teary eyes. It’s pitch black outside, the only light coming from the lantern Mike’s set on the ground. He sobs in relief, collapsing against Mike’s chest, Mike’s arms immediately coming to steady him.

“I got you,” he whispers in Will’s hair. “I got you.”

Mike takes him by the hand and leads him out of the forest. Will goes in a daze, not quite recovered from his attack. He focuses on the warmth of Mike’s hand, a firm reminder that he hasn’t been taken. He’s still home.

When they reach the edge of the woods, he breaks down again at the sight of his mom’s frantic face. Joyce throws her arms around him and he sinks into them. Will’s grown so much taller than her but he still feels small and protected in her arms. He feels Hopper throw a blanket around his shoulders and it’s not until Mike is pressing against him from behind that he realizes how cold he is.

He stays in his mom’s and Mike’s embrace, the rest of the night going by in a blur of hushed voices and hands checking his forehead, his neck, his body for any injuries. “Let me take him home,” Joyce finally says. “Will, honey? Let’s go home.”

Mike drives Joyce’s Pinto to the Byers home while Joyce cradles Will in the back seat, uncaring of how uncomfortable it must be with Will’s limbs splayed all over her. Mike and Joyce help him to the couch, Joyce refusing to put him in his room alone. She curls up in her armchair next to Will, stroking his hair until she falls asleep.

Mike sits on the floor in front of him. Will can feel his eyes on him, burning holes into his skin. He’s calmer now, breathing in the familiar comforting air of his home. He wants to apologize, he wants to explain. But he is so tired, barely able to keep his eyes open.

The last thing he remembers is Mike taking his hand just as he falls asleep. “Next time, you take me with you,” Mike whispers. “Promise me, Will. You take me with you. Don’t ever go into those woods alone.”

It’s the last thing he hears before he sleeps. Will can’t remember if he promises or not.

 

* * *

 

Will feels like a fool because now there’s absolutely no way he can avoid Mike or any of his friends. He explains the episode to his therapist who increases the dosage of his anxiety medication and insists for him to try to get eight hours of sleep every night. Will feels bad because he likes his therapist and he’s almost sure that she knows he doesn’t care for girls but he’s too afraid to get to the root of the problem. Every time he thinks about bringing it up, he thinks of Lonnie’s cruel unforgiving eyes and the words die on his tongue. Plus he still hasn’t quite gotten over the idea that the Upside Down is a punishment for him being… the way that he is.

He can’t avoid them so he stays tight-lipped and quiet, knowing that this isn’t helping his situation much either. He can practically feel the worried looks whenever he gets up to go to the bathroom. Will feels like he’s crashed a car but refuses to get out of it because doing so would mean acknowledging what made him crash in the first place.

He’s not ready, He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be ready.

El corners him in the library with a frown he hasn’t seen on her face in years. “What’s wrong?” she asks immediately, not one to beat around the bush. Will doesn’t answer, looking down at his book, hoping that she’ll get the hint and leave. El frowns and Will startles as his book shuts close abruptly.

“El!” he hisses. “No powers!”

“No lying,” she counters. Will sighs as she takes a seat beside him. “Is it...the monster?” she asks quietly. Will’s shoulders stiffen. This has always been an overlaying fear hanging over them, the fear that everything they worked for as children would come crumbling down and the nightmares would come back to life. That the Mind Flayer would come back to torment them and shatter the fragile normalcy that they slowly built over the years.

“No,” he says quickly, placing a reassuring hand over hers. This worry at least, he can alleviate from her shoulders. “I’m just...having a tough time.”

Now El’s face is sad. “Friends help,” she offers quietly and Will’s heart breaks a little at how sincere she is. He doesn’t deserve any kindness from Jane El Hopper, not even a little bit of it.

“Sorry,” he replies thinly. “I don’t think anyone can help me.”

Dustin and Lucas are the least intrusive with their concern but Will finds himself dragged to the arcade, the diner, the Hawk a lot more often. When Will insists that he can’t afford it, one of them always offers to cover them. “Or hey, why don’t we look for jobs together?” Dustin asks excitedly. “It’s junior year, your mom would be totally cool with it!”

Will frowns. “I would but… I don’t have a car.”

“Mike would take you,” Lucas says. Will rolls his eyes. Mike has taken to picking him up in the morning and dropping him back off after school. Will tried to insist that he could take his bike, but Joyce had been on Mike’s side. The car rides were usually filled with stony silence. The two of them hadn’t gone into the woods since then.

“Mike isn’t my keeper,” Will mutters back, biting his tongue on what he almost said. _Mike isn’t my boyfriend._

Dustin and Lucas exchange an inscrutable look that just makes Will more irritable. “Did you guys get into a fight?” Lucas asks carefully. “I know...before last week you guys were kind of avoiding each other.”

Will tries not to think about that night in the car, Mike so close he felt his breath against his mouth. If Will had moved any closer they could’ve -

He physically shakes his head to get that image out of his mind. “It’s nothing. We’re…” Will finds he has no excuses to give them and just taps his fingers on the table. “...going through a rough patch.”

Dustin raises a skeptical eyebrow. Lucas hums slowly. Will hopes a hole opens up in the diner to swallow him up.

“You should talk to him,” Lucas says finally after nearly three minutes of intense scrutiny. “You guys aren’t acting very Mike and Will. It’s throwing a wrench in the group dynamic.”

Luckily for Will, their waitress drops by with their food and Will busies himself with his fries. He doesn’t want to think about the wrench he’d throw in the group dynamic if he was actually honest with Mike.

Max is not so gentle with her approach.

She picks the perfect opportunity to pounce on him, the day after a particularly intense recurring dream that leaves Will sweaty and gross and wanting to jump into Lover’s Lake and stay there for the next three years. So he comes to school dead on his feet, his eyes red-rimmed and sunken. Mike had shot him more worried looks than normal but Will had bolted out of the car before he could say anything, not wanting to look at Mike’s face for longer than normal. Not wanting to think about what Mike was doing in his dream.

“Hey,” she grabs his arm after fourth period. “You’re eating with me. Let’s go.”

Over the years, he’s formed a bond with Max that none of the others really get. They both know what it’s like to have destructive fathers, what it’s like feeling like a stranger in your own home. Being friends with Max made Will realize how lucky he was to have the family he did - at least his brother wasn’t a giant shitstain the way Billy was. They understood each other’s moodiness, often hanging out together quietly, Max with a book while Will sketched her.

So it’s because of this bond that he lets Max pull him away with little resistance. She gives him half of her ham and cheese sandwich while she grabs half of his tuna and they eat quietly for a few minutes, Will making sure to take a few bites to satisfy Max’s expectant glare.

“Okay,” Max declares when she washes down her sandwiches with a Capri-Sun. “Tell me what’s going on so that we can fix it.”

Will grumbles under his breath. “It’s not like you can just _fix_ it,” he snaps back irritably, his lack of sleep making him lose patience way earlier than normal. “There’s nothing to fix! I screwed everything up!”

Max makes a disbelieving noise. “I seriously doubt that, Byers.”

“You don’t know that,” Will hisses in reply. “You don’t know anything.”

“So then, tell me!” Frustration bleeds out of Max’s voice along with an undercurrent of worry Will doesn’t hear very often. He looks back down at his sandwich forlornly. He hears her sigh. “Listen, I don’t know if you realize this but Wheels is actually really choked up by all this shit. He’s giving you time and all but… you should see him. He’s really hurt Will.” Max shrugs. “I mean, I’m on always on your side, but it’s pathetic to see him moping after you. Like when Captain America lost his Bucky.”

It’s too much for Will. He doesn’t want to imagine Mike’s sadness, how it creates the most empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I don’t want to be his Bucky, I want to be Peggy!” he bursts out loudly.

Max doesn’t really read comics like the rest of them so the five seconds it takes for her to register Will’s words are the longest of his life. Then her face softens, into something that looks too much like pity and Will wants to vomit. “Oh, Will.”

“You see?” Will’s face is burning hot with humiliation. It’s all over for him now. “Mike doesn’t need his queer best friend messing up his life,” he whispers, the words feeling too heavy to be real. Max crawls over to him and throws an arm around his shoulder. They sit there quietly, neither of them making to get up when the bell signaling for fifth period rings.

“You should tell him,” she finally says. Will shakes his head, not able to trust himself with talking. He’ll just cry again. “Listen. You’re too important to Wheeler for him to just give up on you because you like boys. So what? Who cares? You were almost killed by a fucking monster like, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t care if you were exclusively only into lizards.”

Will makes a face. “When you say it like that, you make it sound stupid,” he accuses.

“That’s because it is stupid!” Max replies. She quickly backtracks when she sees the way his face falls. “No Will - god I’m so shit at this - how you feel isn’t stupid. Everyone else is stupid. It doesn’t matter who you like, I promise.”

Will stays quiet and Max nudges him. “I can’t - confess,” he chokes out, fear swirling in his chest just at the idea. It would change everything. Things were already bad enough but Will couldn’t imagine the strain of their relationship if Mike knew the extent of his feelings for him. Max shakes her head.

“You don’t have to tell him anything you don’t want to. But… you _should_ talk to him. Trust me,” Max says, insistent. “You’ll feel a lot better. It’s eating you alive. I can’t keep watching you go like this.”

Will shuts his eyes and leans his head on Max’s shoulder, suddenly exhausted. Her words circle in his head for a long time.

 

* * *

 

He goes home without Mike, begging for Max to distract him. It’s a long walk home but Will takes his time, thinking of what Max said, the fears he’s been holding in, everything he’s been told since he was too young to know about the thin line that divides love and hate.

The thing is, Max is right. As long as Mike is in his life, Will can’t go on like this forever. It’s already hard enough, walking around with his secrets stitched messily so that they don’t spill over. But then, as reluctant as WIll is to think this, maybe they’ve been spilling in small amounts for a long time.

For a moment, he thinks about cutting all ties - he’ll leave Hawkins in two years time anyways - for posterity’s sake. It would be easy to live a quiet life in Hawkins, no one trying to peek into his soul, learn what makes him tick.

But the thought of never seeing Mike again, never hearing his laugh, never knowing how he smells after laundry day, is so painful, his chest physically aches.

_You’re too important for him to give up._

Mike’s important to him too. The most important. His best friend.

He walks straight into his room and takes out his paints. He mixes navy and tea with gray and black and paints a dark sea, pushing out every ugly thought he’s had of himself for the past week through the brush and onto the canvas. He paints for hours until it’s near dark. Once he’s finished, he puts his canvas out to the living room to dry. He crawls into bed and puts on “Should I Stay or Should I Go” and thinks about how everyone called him brave for what he survived, when all he’s ever felt like was a coward.

Finally, he reaches under his desk for his supercomm.

 

* * *

 

Mike comes to his house in a flurried panic, hair wild and coat half buttoned. In any other circumstance, Will would laugh at his unkempt appearance but he says nothing when Mike arrives, simply heading out for the woods. Mike trails after him hurriedly.

They walk in silence for a while, just the sound of their sneakers crunching the leaves in the air. Will isn’t sure how long they’ve been walking but he wants to be further in the woods, in the neck of it beyond Castle Byers. Wants it to feel like it’s only them in the world. That way, it’ll be easier to say what he wants. Like whispering it into his pillow at night or writing it on his hand, the sweat blurring the ink. There for just a quick transient moment, before vanishing without a trace.

Mike breaks first. “Will?” he calls to his back, anxious and shaky. “Will, are you okay? You called me so I - ” there’s a pause here, a deep hitch in Mike’s breathing that makes Will’s heart stop. “You haven’t called me in ages,” he finishes sadly.

Guilt spreads through him immediately. Max’s words come to him again _He’s really hurt, Will._ Will’s been so focused on his own hurt, he didn’t think at all about how Mike must’ve felt this whole time he was ignoring him. The days of distance, the days of silence. Will had pushed up his walls and Mike had just stayed outside, waiting until Will invited him back in.

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. His hands twitch at his side. Mike had always cared about him and his problems - hell he was the one that wanted him to get over this bullshit with the woods in the first place. Mike always provided solutions where Will just wanted to bury his head in the sand and pretend his problems didn’t exist. Mike never did anything but care and Will’s stupid, damaged heart had just shut him out.

“Will? Can you at least look at me? Please?”

There he goes again. Mike - he never stops trying even when all Will wants to do is give up.

The least Will can do is pay it back.

He swallows tightly. Will figures that they’ve gone far enough. He stops abruptly and turns around to face Mike. This was it. It was time for Will to bring down his walls and finally face what he’d been running from all this time. Mike’s face is pale and drawn with anxiety so Will can’t imagine how _he_ looks like. He feels like he’s going to have a heart attack, heart beating sporadically.

Will clears his throat. “Mike,” he rasps, his mouth dry. “I - “

“Wait!” Mike immediately puts his hands up, eyes wide. “Just.. wait. Before you say anything,” Mike starts and Will braces himself for whatever Mike has to dish out - yelling, accusations. He can take it. It’s what he deserves. “I don’t know what I did wrong. The past week has _sucked_ without you, you know?” Mike’s voice cracks a little and Will bites his lip. “But I just want to say that I’m sorry.”

Will blinks. _Come again?_ Mike doesn’t notice his confusion and continues to talk. “I’m sorry if I overstepped any boundaries and made it weird between us. I just want things to go back to before and I’ll do any - “

Will can hardly believe the words coming out of Mike’s mouth. He’s not angry, he’s apologizing even though everything that happened was Will’s fault. Every last bit of it. It’s too much, he can barely stand to face Mike’s sincerity, knowing how big of a liar he is. How big of a liar he’ll stay.

“I’m gay.” The words spill out of him gracelessly, interrupting Mike. “You… have nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one that’s been weird.” His mouth keeps moving, like a leaking faucet. “I’ve been so anxious about it, it just made everything worse. The nightmares, the woods.” He gestures weakly around him. “So… that’s why.”

Mike’s mouth is hanging open, his body gone absolutely still since Will started talking. Will is most certainly going to be sick. He’d prepared himself for the possibility of rejection but seeing in right in front of him hurts more than he could have ever imagined. “I - I get it if you don’t want to see me anymore. I know that I’m a freak and I don’t deserve your friendship.” His voice pitches, starting to get into hysterical territory. “I mean, the rumors are true right? Will Byers the fag.” He chokes on the word, flashing back to every single terrible person that’s hissed it in his direction. “It’s no wonder the Demogorgon came for me - “

This shatters Mike’s stillness and in one second flat he’s crossed over to where Will’s standing, grabbing his shoulders so tight, Will thinks they’re going to bruise. “Is that what you think?!” Mike practically shouts. His face is red and his eyes are wild and Will is half afraid he’s going to hit him. He flinches and Mike immediately drops his shoulders, stunned. “Will I - I would never think of you differently for this. It doesn’t matter - “

Will barks out a laugh, the sound harsh and twisted. “It doesn’t matter? _It doesn’t matter?_ ” Will is so goddamn sick of crying, he’s sure he’s used up enough tears for a lifetime, but sure enough his eyes start to water. “Do you know what it’s like? Having every shitty thing people have been saying about me be true. My shitty dad was _right_ about me Mike, everyone was right, I’m a stupid fag - “

“Stop it!!” Mike shouts, his expression fierce, his hands tightly clenched into fists. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself! There’s nothing wrong with you okay? Your dad is a fucking asshole. Troy and James? Assholes! Who cares what they think!”

Will just shakes his head turning away. Mike seizes his wrist, forcing him to look back. “No, Will you listen to me! Okay? _You listen to me._ ” Never in Will’s life has he seen Mike like this, eyes blazing, mouth set in a trembling line like he couldn’t hold back his words even if he wanted to. “It doesn’t matter! Everyone that loves you doesn’t care about this shit. Your mom, Jonathan, the party! _I_ don’t care Will, do you understand? You’re still Will!”

Will breaks, his wall crumbling in one go. His body trembles with the force of sheer emotion bursting through his body and he collapses onto his knees. Mike makes a strangled noise, getting into his space again, hands hovering with uncertainty over Will’s shaking back. “Will - “

“You don’t understand,” Will whimpers. “I just wanted everything to go back to normal but it turns out I’ve been a freak all along. Every terrible thing that’s ever happened it’s because - it’s because of _me._ ”

There’s a weighted moment of silence before Will hears Mike crouch in front of him. “God, Will is that what you think? You got taken into the Upside Down because you’re gay?” Mike’s voice is so soft, but also shaky like he’s afraid he’s going to say the wrong thing. It’s enough to push Will into tears. Mike places gentle, tentative hands on his back. “That’s not what happened okay? You’re not a freak - the Demogorgon could’ve taken any of us, but you’re the only one who survived. You… think so badly about yourself but you’re amazing Will!” Mike’s fingers curl into his shirt. “You’re the best person I know. It doesn’t matter who you like. You’re still Will.”

Something in Will’s chest collapses, like a dam giving out from the pressure of the water. He gives in and staggers against Mike who opens his arms around him in a secure, tight hold. The same, safe hug he’s always given. It’s too much, the relief at Mike’s acceptance, the weight that’s been lifted off his chest and the knowledge of his other secret that’s still swirling deep inside him. He cries like a child, soaking Mike’s sweater, Mike murmuring reassuring nonsense in his ear.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole,” Will sobs. “Thank you. Thank you. _Thank you._ ”

They stay like that until it gets dark, Will clutching at Mike desperately as if he’s the only thing keeping him anchored to this world. He doesn’t think much of it - after all, Mike is holding on to him just as tightly.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think! part 2 will be coming after i finish finals! and i promise that it will be way more romantic - there will be. a lot. of kisses. come say hi on [ tumblr!](https://www.biwheelers.tumblr.com)


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